using the pronoun 'you' in a general sense here
There was once a time when I couldn't understand jokes or sarcasm at all
. I'm still working on comprehending and decoding them at times, but I laugh a lot more at myself than I used to. Still, jokes don't translate too well from one language to another—there are nuances of the English language I'll probably never fully get like a native speaker would do—and especially through words on a computer screen; so if I get offended and defensive and can't laugh at your joke, well, I'm hoping you wouldn't mock me too much for it. There was once a time when I thought that the question "How are you/How have you been" meant that person wanted to know the full account
of how I was doing and feeling at the time and in the recent past, and I'd write lines and lines answering that question. The short responses I got in return should've been an indicator that I had misunderstood something, but nope, I had to enter the University and take a couple of courses in communication before I understood that "How are you/How have you been" doesn't require a long-winded account of things, and to some it's more of an acknowledgement that the other person exists. So if you used to get long messages from me and now I only write shortly, don't be too surprised — I've just adjusted to a new way of communication; it doesn't mean I'm trying to shut you out completely from my life, I'm trying to be more efficient as well as more sensitive to others: not everyone wants to hear the most recent news in my life. There was once a time when I'd share pretty much everything to anyone
, in the chatrooms or in a Journal or over Skype. Very personal matters. However, now I know I don't have to do that: I don't have to share everything with everyone. In all honesty, I trust some people more than others, especially after some recent events here on dA: I've seen friends of mine turn against each other and demanding I'd take a side as well. I've seen people be nice to someone in one room and bad-mouth them in another; this has made me feel so uncomfortable, even paranoid in a way — are people possibly talking shit behind my back as well? What are they saying, if anything? And that's why I'm not sharing everything with everyone anymore. And to people who talk shit behind other people's backs: grow a backbone — if you can't tell something straight to someone's face, it's usually best not to open your mouth at all. (Yes, I fall prey to this sort of behaviour as well, and I've lots to do when it comes to having a backbone and being honest with people.) If you've got something to say to me or about me, send me a Note, join my chatroom, whatever, just tell ME instead of going around to everyone else but me. There was once a time when my self-esteem was low and I loved to hear all sorts of comments from people
, especially guys, because I did not hear such comments anywhere in real life. If I did, I couldn't take it seriously. I've allowed some online conversations go pretty far towards a certain way, even when I've been with my fiancé. All, to be honest, just to get a boost for my damaged ego. But it's not so damaged anymore, and furthermore, such behaviour is not fair to anyone involved — not to myself, not to other participant(s), and definitely not to my fiancé. While I still enjoy pervy jokes and e-flirting, there needs to be a limit to that: if ALL you've got to say to me is something perverted, if you interpret every single thing I say to be an invitation to be flirtatious, if you tell me things like "You're too young to be engaged and be in a serious relationships, loosen up, have some fun", then you are not respecting my relationship, you're not respecting my fiancé and you're not respecting me
. Yes, I'm young and I haven't been with anyone else than my fiancé, and yes I sometimes wonder how fucking someone else would feel like, but that doesn't mean I'd actually go for it: it's a day-dream, and just because I day-dream of something doesn't mean I should do it
. (For example, sometimes I imagine crashing a car into the ocean or whatever; doesn't mean I'd really do it.) Compliments on the way I look are nice, but telling me "I'd fuck you if you were single" is not a compliment, it's —in my opinion— showing disrespect to the fact that I'm engaged, and it's also —in some cases— showing your own desperation to get laid.
This part might seem controversial to some, considering for example the pictures I've posted of myself, but my fiancé has seem them all and he has approved of them; and in fact, it is for his sake that I haven't posted the more "brave" ones — because he asked me to, and I respect his wishes in the matter. The bottom-line of this part is, just because I used to behave in a certain way and accepted certain behaviour from others, doesn't mean I should approve of it all anymore
. People change, people grow; call me uptight or whatever, but I hope you'd have some respect to me, my fiancé and our relationship. If you don't, I hold the right to block and /ignore you without explaining myself at all.
If you have ... feelings for me and can't come to the terms with the fact that I'm engaged and all you and I are ever going to be is just words on a screen as friends, well, better not to converse with me at all anymore. There was once a time when I thought dA chats were much better than those of suomi24
, that although the jokes were on the perverted side, the dA folks were not as desperate about sex as on suomi24. But I've come to see that the two sites are not so different from each other, and it's been a slight disappointment but again, people grow and start seeing things differently; yet it's slightly putting me off from the chats, this realization, and it's made me feel all the more uncomfortable when people try to tell pervy jokes to me or even flirt with me — seeing such behaviour just gives me the feeling that I'm talking with the idiotic no-lifes from suomi24 instead of the usually-pretty-cool-dA-folk.
"Get off the Internet, you sensitive bitch!"
is probably what some people are thinking now.
I am fully aware that there are a variation of people in the world, and I'm not judging anyone or telling everyone to change themselves to be the way I want them to be. No, I know that's not possible. I know the world doesn't revolve around me and I can't command it to work as would please me. Instead, what I'm asking is that
- you'd understand that my comprehension of the English language, the meaningful nuances of every single word, is not perfect; I still have to refer to the dictionary quite often, because it is not my native language, but sometimes the dictionary is not enough for a particular context;
- you'd understand that I don't feel comfortable sharing everything with everyone anymore, so please don't get offended if you realize someone knows something about me that you don't, and I then refuse to share what's really going on with you — you, too, probably have a lot that you're hesitant to share with me;
- you'd respect my relationship with my fiancé — if your behaviour makes me feel uncomfortable in any way, I will kindly ask you to stop, and if you don't, then it's off to ignoreland with you.
In return, I will try to be more understanding of the differences between our languages and cultures, try to be more sensitive to your feelings (if you don't want to tell me something, I won't push it), try to be more respectful to you as a person and towards your relationships with others, and to be more honest with you (meaning I'll avoid talking behind your back, for example). You receive what you give
. (Well, sometimes anyway!)
Maybe I am asking for too much. Maybe I should actually get off the Internet. But it can also be so much fun here, and you people are 99% of the time awesome to be around with. That's why I'm staying. That's why I bother returning to the chats. Because of the good things. But I know I need to reasses the situation with some of you folk, be more assertive with you when it comes to certain topics and ways of behaviour. For my sake, for my relationship's sake, and for your own sake as well.